Rob T.

Another Street Fighter movie?

Until they make a Street Fighter movie that’s just two assholes fighting each other while a guy in the background works as a blacksmith on a perpetual loop, I’m not buying in.

The 10 Worst Movies of 2008

10. The Happening
The entire concept of the movie was stupid. Mother nature gets pissed and tries to kill us. M. Night Shyamalan definitely took the whole message of this recent environmental craze a little too far. But while the film fails in being a supernatural thriller, it succeeds in being an unintentional comedy. From the part where the group runs away from wind, to the guy who talks about hot dogs being overrated. Shyamalan’s first three features made him look like the next best director, it’s obvious now he’s lost his creative genius.


9. Speed Racer
I’ll admit, the visuals were really great. When the movie gets cheap enough I might buy a copy of it on Blu-Ray, because while the story and acting was laughably bad and forced, the movie looked really cool.


8. Smart People
I think anyone who really liked this movie are just big Juno fans or are idiots. The whole production had that independent feel, but with slightly bigger actors. I really hated all of the characters in this. Everyone was really pretentious or stupid, but didn’t hold any likeable qualities or experience any common situations that allowed the audience to relate or sympathize with. It may also be that I think Sarah Jessica Parker is the one of the most ugliest and worthless actresses working in Hollywood today.


7. Max Payne
When I heard they were making Max Payne, one of my favorite games into a movie, I got excited. Finally there would be one good video game movie out there. I pitched a tent when they signed on Mark Wahlberg in the title role, I had just seen The Departed and his character in that had just become one of my favorites. But upon seeing the movie, I was greatly, greatly disappointed. There was hardly any action in the entire movie, until around the last 20 minutes. The rest of it was just talking. The performances from everyone are less than average, and Mark Wahlberg shifts from two expressions - anger and constipation. The only things that weren’t horrible in it were the decent score and the cinematography. I also engaged in a fun game of Toronto-spotting, as the whole film was made in my city.


6. Meet Dave
Why Eddie Murphy would star in another film from the director of Norbit, the film that arguably cost him an Oscar for Dreamgirls, I have no idea. Eddie Murphy needs to realize that his multiple character comedies only worked once with The Nutty Professor, and since then, each film has been even more painful to endure.


5. Twilight
Bad acting, bad effects, and bad writing from a bad book should have made this the worst movie of the year for me. But I’ll admit, like The Happening, it was randomly funny, especially with Robert Pattinson’s facial expressions.


4. College Road Trip
I had the extreme displeasure of seeing this film not once, but twice, unlike most of the films on this list. My stupid 9 year old brother dragged me to see it in theaters, and then once on an airplane I was forced to watch it again. This annoying, stupid, family ‘comedy’ is truly insufferable.


3. In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
Prior to this I had never seen a Uwe Boll film. I had seen the trailer for this dozens of times and laughed out loud at how hard the actors were trying to be serious. I rented the film and to my surprise, most of it wasn’t as funny as I had hoped. It was really boring and dry, and rarely had an obnoxious moment. I felt bad for wasting 2 hours of my life watching this shitty movie.


2. Saw V
Okay, now it’s just getting ridiculous. The first Saw movie was really enjoyable, at least for me of course. But with each installment, the franchise is getting more and more painful to watch. I seriously want them to stop, because I’m sure that a Saw VI could make the #1 spot on my Worst of 2009 list.


1. Meet the Spartans AND Disaster Movie
To me, this is really the same movie. Two schmucks (Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer) realized they could make a movie by taking key points from other successful blockbuster movies and fragments of popular culture, slightly alterning them not to the point of parody, but to the point of reference, and as long as they made the film for under 20 million dollars, they could get studios interested in financing so that there would be an ensured profit. This is extremely lazy filmmaking, and these guys put zero creative effort into the making of their films. There are hundreds, hell, thousands of other writers and directors that are without work in the industry that deserve jobs more than they do. Making a profit wasn’t the case for Disaster Movie, as it made less than it’s budget. Here’s hoping their next film bypasses a theatrical release and goes straight to DVD. Hell, it would be better if these guys never worked again.

The 10 Best Movies of 2008

To date I’ve seen 71 films from this year, and although there are still a couple I’ve missed out on (mainly Slumdog Millionaire and The Wrestler) I’ll just post this anyway.

10. Pineapple Express
Okay, so it wasn’t AS good as Superbad, the previous film co-written by actor Seth Rogen and writer Evan Goldberg, but it was a fun throwback to many buddy action-comedies of the 1980s, and in a few years will be remembered as a stoner classic along the likes of Harold & Kumar and Dazed and Confused. Add to that really humorous performances from Rogen, James Franco (who knew he had range beyond Spider-Man?), and funny supporting roles from Danny McBride and Craig Robinson, and you’ve got one of the funniest movies of the year.

9. Tropic Thunder
Another ingenious comedy from Ben Stiller, who wrote and directed the film in addition to playing the lead role. But most of the attention in the film went to Robert Downey Jr., who played one of his most complex roles to date — an Australian actor playing a Black Vietnam soldier in the film within the film who refuses to break character. But even though Downey Jr. stole the show from Stiller and Jack Black, two comic actors who have found success in their previous works, it was really Tom Cruise in a surprise role as the evil producer of the film that stole the show away from Downey, through the use of vulgar dialogue and awesome dancing.

8. Milk
Originally I didn’t like this movie as much when I first saw it, but I’ve grown to love it, as it shows Harvey Milk exactly as he was — a strong ambitious leader who was never afraid to be different and raised support against gays blending in society. We need more films like this to raise awareness for minority groups and to show people why it’s ok to be gay. Sean Penn totally disappears into the role of Milk, and the film is aided with strong supporting performances from James Franco, Josh Brolin, and Emile Hirsch.

7. Iron Man
This was truly the surprise hit of the year. A superhero no one has really heard about directed by the guy who’s recent work included Elf and Zathura, and a lead actor/former drug addict didn’t sound like it would be a great smash, and more along the lines of an average movie that would be forgotten in a week. But the whole team behind the film surprised the audience, giving us a film that was impossibly better than our expectations and creating the next great superhero franchise. This was definitely an A-grade movie, even if Iron Man is a B-grade superhero.

6. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
I know I’m going to get shit for this but…I FREAKING LOVED THIS MOVIE! There were so many jokes pushed in, and I was laughing all the way out of my seat. It’s the first true romantic comedy but for guys, and I’m sure much of the slackers and ambitionless guys watching could identify with Peter. The one thing that stops this from being even better than it could have been was Jonah Hill as Jonah Hill the waiter. He really sucks.

5. The Wackness
This isn’t a very mainstream movie, and I’m sure not many people have heard of it. It played at Sundance in January 2008 and had a small limited release at the end of the summer, and I think the DVD comes out sometime in January 2009. It’s about this high school grad who gets therapy sessions in exchange for pot (drugs are bad mmkay). I really dug the style and the soundtrack of this film, for about 100 minutes it felt like I was back in the early 90’s. I’d recommend this to anyone looking for a great teenager coming-of-age film.

4. WALL-E
In 2007 I declared Ratatouille the best Pixar movie ever, but I definitely spoke too soon. This is surely their finest work to date, surpassing all of their other creations, through the use of strong detailed animation that really stands out, and a rich, clever story that puts a strong environmental message that older people will appreciate. I also loved how unlike most animated movies today that use a cookie-cutter story and are filled to the brim with big actors, this had hardly any dialogue in it, at least for the first 40 minutes. But it was even more entertaining than most other recent animated films. I’m eagerly anticipating what Pixar has coming up next.


3. The Fall
Technically this is a 2006 film, as it premiered in that year at the 2006 Toronto International Film Festival, and did not see a theatrical release until 2008 when it was ‘presented’ by David Fincher and Spike Jonze. The film is spectacular, and I’m sure very little people would have paid any attention to it if those two directors had not attached their names to the release of the film. To give a rough synopsis, as I’m sure even less people have heard of this movie than The Wackness, the film is about a young girl recovering in a hospital from a broken arm, who befriends a movie stuntman. The stuntman tells the girl a fantastical and elaborate tale that blends real life and fantasy together, in exchange for her giving him medicine. Not everyone I talked to seemed to like this movie, but the visuals are nothing short of amazing, and are worth watching the film just for them. The process of making the film is quite interesting too, as it was shot over the course of many years in several countries, in addition to the film being shot in chronological order. I’d recommend this to anyone looking for a movie that’s well made and out of the ordinary.

2. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
With Benjamin Button, David Fincher has created a masterpiece that can be enjoyed by people of all ages, as it’s deep storyline is filled with wonder, romance, life, death, passion, and most of all, magic. Despite running nearly 3 hours, the film has a solid pace to it, and the story is engaging and interesting enough to keep the viewer occupied. The effects work is the real attraction, I’m sure the film will win the Visual Effects Oscar as the film is full of them, as well as an Oscar for makeup, the way they made Cate Blanchette appear as an older version of herself was damn impressive. Brad Pitt is charming and remarkable as Benjamin, but Cate Blanchett outacts Pitt. Both are still a pleasure to see on screen. Honestly, after Fight Club this is the best movie Fincher has ever made, and I’m sure it will gain a strong reputation as a movie milestone in later years.

1. The Dark Knight
Was there really any substitute? Let me just start off by saying the obvious — this movie is perfect. P-E-R-F-E-C-T. There isn’t anything I don’t like about it, and it’s even better than There Will Be Blood and No Country for Old Men combined. The storyline and script was really interesting. The acting from Christian Bale, Aaron Eckhart and Gary Oldman was great, but Heath Ledger as the menacing Joker really gives us a performance we aren’t ever going to forget, and forges a villain that’s ranks among the most evil and twisted. I also liked how unlike most superhero movies, the film relied on little CGI to complete it’s exciting and dangerous action sequences (they really flipped that truck over is what i’m trying to say). But the thing I love most about The Dark Knight is that it’s the best superhero movie I’ve ever seen, and it doesn’t even feel like a superhero movie. It’s better than that. It breaks away from the average structure and the regular conventions to deliver a film that’s new, thrilling, and unforgettable. I’m serious when I say it deserves a Best Picture nomination, because we really aren’t ever going to get another film quite like this one.

HONORABLE MENTIONS
Cloverfield, Revolutionary Road, Frost/Nixon, Gran Torino, Son of Rambow, RocknRolla, In Bruges, The Visitor, Taken, and Kung Fu Panda.